When you talk about the hose you are screwing on and removing where exactly is that attached? I am getting the feeling that your setup does not look like Villa's picture above. Does your hose attach where his picture shows the shower head or closer to the tub spout? Where is the J pipe you are talking about? Is that the pipe coming out of the wall for the shower head? Just trying to make sure we are all talking about the same thing.
By the way the flow limiter is normally just below the theads for attaching the shower head to the pipe from the wall. I your case I would say you have to remove the hose from the shower head to find it.
If you could take a picture of your shower setup and post it someone might spot the problem right away. I am sure it is fairly simple, but some times things get missed or misunderstood due to differences in terminology and different backgrounds.