Builder's Joke Thread
Post your funnies here!
I've got an old one to start.
A man contracted to paint a church. He noticed that he had not bought enough paint, it was Friday and he couldn't possibly get the additional paint he needed before the big event at the church. He had promised it would be done, so he decided to thin the paint so it would spread further.
Sunday came and the membership was seriously disappointed with the paint job. There were places where it was so thin you could see right through it. There were other places where it ran and dripped on the sidewalks and steps. The congregation called an emergency meeting.
They decided to have the man come back and redo the paint. The job fell on the pastor to go tell the man he had to come back and redo the paint. So, the pastor was a good man who was always very thoughtful about what he said and keeping peace and all. He went to the man's home Monday morning and knocked on the door. The man came to the door and the pastor still didn't know what he was going to say to the man. The man, kind of shocked at the sight of the preacher, blurted out "Excuse me preacher, I don't feel very well, this hang-over has me by the tail!"
The preacher immediately knew what to say,,
AND THIN NO MORE!!!!
Well, I thought it was kind of funny.
Somebody please top this with something better!
Clean as I can get it....
A strong young man is standing around with the other old timers boasting about how he can carry more that everyone there.
One Ol timer bets him one weeks wages that he can wheel something in that wheelbarrow that that young punk could never carry.
The young guy boasts "your on old man!!"
With that the old timer puts out his hand and says...."Get in."
Never mess with the big dogs!:eek:
Come on, somebody has a good one,,,
A man walking down the street hears a voice, "13,,..13.. 13"
He stops and tries to figure out where the voice is coming from.
He looks up, he looks down, he gets caught looking in a window, then he sees a knot-hole in a tall privacy fence. He assumes it's a construction site and 13 is a measurement and none of his business. He walks on.
The next day, the same place, he hears the voice again. The lady snaps the curtain shut and today the voice is calling "22,,.. 22,... 22" Well curiosity gets him and he leans down and peeks through the knot-hole in the privacy fence.
Who poked me in the eye?!!!!
The voice is laughing hysterically, then changes back to "23,,. 23,.. 23"
Ha-ha-ha-ha, THANK YOU! thank you! I'm here every night, come back again, Tell your friends!!
Thank you! WOO-HOO!
A construction worker goes to the doctor and say's," Doc...I'm constipated,could you help me."
The doctor examines him, and after a minute tells him to lean over the table.
The construction worker leans over the table and the doctor hits him square on his bottom as hard as he can with a baseball bat!!
Then he sends him into the bathroom to do his business.
The construction worker comes out a few minutes later and says'"
Doc..I feel great!! What should I do so this does'nt happen again?"
With that the doctor replies'"Stop wiping with cement bags.":eek:
Watch it dude,
this is a family show!
Keep your constipation to yourself!
SOMEBODY PLEEEEEEEEEEASE, I know there's something funnier out there..
Your gonna love this one
3 guys show up for a interview at a Construction and Supply firm
The first guy gets hired on in the concrete division and the boss sends him on his merry way.
The second guy gets hired on in the framing division and again the boss sends him on his merry way.
Well the boss looks at the third guy and says your very small and patete I think I better put you in charge of supplies and sends him on his way.
Well a couple of hours went by and the boss decides to go check on his new people and first checks out the new guy in the concrete division and seas him hard at it then carries on over to the framing devision and again sees the other new guy hard at it then carries on over the the supplies depot and looks for ever for this new little guy and for the life of him can't figure out where he is. He asked around if anyone has seen him but no one knows where his has gone so the boss decides to go look one more time to see if he can find him and walks around a large tall pile of lumber and all of a sudden the little guy jumps out in front of him and says SUPPLIES, SUPPLIES
More bad ones....
(this is terrible)
A person is killed on the job-site....
The police began questioning the workers, based on past brushes with the law, many were prime suspects. They were a motley crew....
Here are some past offences..the plumber leaked these stories because he felt he was trapped.
The roofer had fallen on some bad times and went to the hospital with shingles.Everything was dropped because they felt his 3rd story was ok.
The electrician was once suspected of wiretapping...though was never charged.
The carpenter was almost nailed for trying to frame another man, who thought he was a stud.
The painter has had several brushes with the law...many times he tried to run, his alibis were thin.
The HVAC guy was known to pack heat, he was arrested but duct the charges.
The mason was suspected because he gets stoned regularly.
The cabinetmaker was an accomplished counter fitter.
Finally the carpenter confessed,the autopsy confirmed the person was hammered when they died.:eek:
In about 36 states jokes that bad are against the law
friends don't let friends tell jokes like that
only you- can prevent horrible jokes
this is your brain on that joke -any questions
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