[TxBuilder]

Funny guys.

[inspectorD]

Every time I start to push the envelope...I have to remember it is still stationary.

[TxBuilder]

Originally Posted by inspectorD

Every time I start to push the envelope...I have to remember it is still stationary.

Bwanmph bwamph bwamph.

[kaytav]

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[plumbers]

a funny cartoon video

YouTube - plumber

YouTube - plumber

[nealtw]

The compresser broke down, so the boss had his crew start framing the back wall by hand. To save time he told them just to tack the plywood on it and stand it up. Once the wall was stud he sent the junior guy out the back to finish nailing the plywood. When he went around to see ow the junior guy was doing, he saw the guy pull nails out of his poutch and through some away.
He asked, why are you thoughing nails away. The new guy answers, the heads are on the wrong end. The boss told him to save them they will work fine on the front of the building.

[CallMeVilla]

A contractor dies on a fishing accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band.

Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says “Congratulations!”

“Congratulations for what?” asks the contractor

“Congratulations for what?” says Saint Peter. “We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.”

“But that’s not true,” says the consultant. “I only lived to be forty.”

“That’s impossible,” says Saint Peter, “we added up your time sheets!”

[CallMeVilla]

A woman was looking at the animals on display in a pet store. A few minutes later, a man walked in and said to the shopkeeper 'I'll take a Construction Monkey, please.’

The shopkeeper nodded and took a monkey out of a cage. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the man, saying, 'That'll be $5,000.' The man paid and left with the monkey.

The surprised woman went to the shopkeeper and said, 'That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?’
The shopkeeper answered, 'Ah, that's a Construction Monkey. He can drive trucks, set forms, erect steel & equipment and run pipe, all with no back talk or complaints. He's well worth the money.'

The woman then spotted a monkey in another cage. 'That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?'

'Oh, that one' replied the shopkeeper, 'that's a ' Superintendent Monkey', he can read drawings, answer RFI's, make as-build's and inspect quality. He is very useful monkey indeed.'

The woman looked around a little longer and found a monkey with a $50,000 price tag. The shocked woman exclaimed, 'This one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world can it do?’

‘Well,' said the shopkeeper, 'I've never actually seen him do anything except drink beer and put his hands down his pants. But his papers say he's a Project Manager.’

[WindowsonWashington]

Ha ha!!!

I am sending this one to my PM.

[Austin]

Please let us know if you're still employed.