Funny Pictures and stories....
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Help Support House Repair Talk:
frodo
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Last edited:
nealtw
Contractor retired
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw9oX-kZ_9k[/ame]
zannej
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ROTFL!!!
That would be hilarious! And if it could spray out water in more directions, maybe it could wash itself. People sometimes laugh when they see how much dirt is on my car. On particularly muddy road days, I'll park at the store and mud will just start dropping off with loud plop noises.
On a side note:
slownsteady
Well-Known Member
And now for something completely different
slownsteady
Well-Known Member
Proof That The World Is Nuts!
In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesiais decapitation. (Glad I don't live in Indonesia!)
(Much worse than 'going blind!')
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside anddeflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute: Is there
any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal inLiverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Condoms may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
(Is this a great country or what?)
Well,.... not as great as Guam!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The Ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of ???)
(Did our Government pay for this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their ***.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
Thank you all for reading this.
If you need to reach me in the future, I will be
in Guam !!!!!!
In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesiais decapitation. (Glad I don't live in Indonesia!)
(Much worse than 'going blind!')
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside anddeflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute: Is there
any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal inLiverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Condoms may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
(Is this a great country or what?)
Well,.... not as great as Guam!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The Ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of ???)
(Did our Government pay for this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their ***.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
Thank you all for reading this.
If you need to reach me in the future, I will be
in Guam !!!!!!
zannej
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2014
- Messages
- 4,061
- Reaction score
- 1,793
I know its just a joke, but the one about Guam is not true. Guam is not a country, btw. It's a US Territory. I lived there for 5 years.
There used to be a tradition that a woman had to pop out two kids to prove she was fertile before a man would marry her, but things have changed-- although they do have kids fairly young over there. I was called an "old maid" because I didn't have 2 kids when I was 22. They start having kids around 16 or 17 and the grandparents take care of those kids while the parents just go about life (they generally live with the grandparents) until their kids have kids and then they take care of the grandkids while their kids work, party, etc.
The natives in Guam are called Chamorro and they are related to people from Indonesia (the languages have some similarities).
Oh, and a fun fact: Guam was colonized by Spain in the 1500s. The locals say they were "colonialized". It was dubbed "The island of thieves" because the natives had no concept of ownership (and are still pretty loose with it today-- they "borrow to own") and they just walked on to the ships and started taking things. Anyway, when I was going to college there, they didn't teach Spanish at the local community college because they were still bitter about the "colonialization".
Some of the chamorros are known to be rather slow and are called Chamorons. So, here is a chamoron joke I was told while there:
A chamoron got a job painting the white stripe on a road. The first day he covered a lot of distance and made the stripe very long. The next day he painted only half as far. Then the next he painted only half of what he painted the second day. The supervisor pulled him aside to ask why his productivity was dropping off. The chamoron answered: "Because I kept getting farther away from the bucket".
Also, I saw an ad in a recent Heartland catalog selling a Dell laptop with 14" screen, 3.4GHz duo core processor, "massive 1Gb RAM" (cue my chuckling), 80Gb harddrive (more chuckling), 56k modem, and Windows Vista-- all for like $250 down from like $499... (I guffawed until I started coughing).
I'll have to take a picture of that one and upload it. I got a better system than that like 7 years ago.
There used to be a tradition that a woman had to pop out two kids to prove she was fertile before a man would marry her, but things have changed-- although they do have kids fairly young over there. I was called an "old maid" because I didn't have 2 kids when I was 22. They start having kids around 16 or 17 and the grandparents take care of those kids while the parents just go about life (they generally live with the grandparents) until their kids have kids and then they take care of the grandkids while their kids work, party, etc.
The natives in Guam are called Chamorro and they are related to people from Indonesia (the languages have some similarities).
Oh, and a fun fact: Guam was colonized by Spain in the 1500s. The locals say they were "colonialized". It was dubbed "The island of thieves" because the natives had no concept of ownership (and are still pretty loose with it today-- they "borrow to own") and they just walked on to the ships and started taking things. Anyway, when I was going to college there, they didn't teach Spanish at the local community college because they were still bitter about the "colonialization".
Some of the chamorros are known to be rather slow and are called Chamorons. So, here is a chamoron joke I was told while there:
A chamoron got a job painting the white stripe on a road. The first day he covered a lot of distance and made the stripe very long. The next day he painted only half as far. Then the next he painted only half of what he painted the second day. The supervisor pulled him aside to ask why his productivity was dropping off. The chamoron answered: "Because I kept getting farther away from the bucket".
Also, I saw an ad in a recent Heartland catalog selling a Dell laptop with 14" screen, 3.4GHz duo core processor, "massive 1Gb RAM" (cue my chuckling), 80Gb harddrive (more chuckling), 56k modem, and Windows Vista-- all for like $250 down from like $499... (I guffawed until I started coughing).
I'll have to take a picture of that one and upload it. I got a better system than that like 7 years ago.
Last edited:
oldognewtrick
In memory of
I just replaced all the cat litter in the box with 47 packs of pop rocks...
...now we wait...
...now we wait...
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Statistics have proven that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it...:help:
