Builder's Joke Thread

Impact of Job Change:

A taxi passenger touched d driver on shouldr 2 ask smthng

Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters frm a shop

The driver said:
“Don’t ever do that again, u scared me”

Pasengr apologized n said:
“I didn’t realize a litle touch wud scare u so much”

Driver replied:
“Sory, it’s nt ur fault
its my 1st day as a Cab driver, I’ve been driving a van carying dead bodies for last 25 yrs;-)

Sometimes, a picture is worth a bigger laugh ...
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxtI1_acHQ0[/ame]

Ok, sorry if this ones been told before but here goes...

An electrician goes to a house one day for a service call.. Upon knocking at the door, an elderly man opens it. As he introduces himself, the electrician notices a dog sitting just a little ways behind the old man. He then asks the old man "Sir, does your dog bite? If so, could you please put him in another room?" Old man replies, "Ahh son, my dog don't bite"

Once inside the house, the electrician leans down to get a tool from his pouch when suddenly the dog lunges up and bites him right on the butt! Furious, he yells out "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!!!" The old man, smirking, replies ".... ain't my dog!"

My friend Charlie.
Charlie is a big time contractor, banks, schools, warehouses , that sorta stuff. After working with a dairy farmer for year on a deal to build a new milking parlour it was time to sit down go over all the final plans and sign the contracts so they could get started. The farm is way out the valley and as both men are busy they decided they should meet at the farm sometime after dinner on Tuesday.
Well Tuesday came and Charlie had a real bad day on Tuesday which ended up with a flat tire only to find that the spare was also flat. After he had that all sorted out and got the truck on the road, he called his wife and told her he would just grab something to eat on the way out to the farm.
So on his way out of town, he swung by a drive thru, and picked up some spicy chicken bits that he could easiely eat while he drove.
Ninety minutes later he pulled into the farm driveway but the was something wrong with that chicken and the gasses where building up in Charlies stomach. He was met right away by the farmer and is old dog, Cedric. They took a little walk around the site of the new parlour and Charlie was able to pass a little gas without anyone noticing.
By the time they got sitting down at the kitchen table, Charlie was having another gas attach and excused himself to go the washroom. Twenty minutes later they were into their meating and Cedric had curled up and went to sleep right beside Charlies chair. Then Charlie was having another attack and thought he cold let a little one slip out. And when he did, the farmer said CEDRIC and the meeting continued. Charlie figured this was good, the dog was getting blamed for his slips, so when the gas built up again, he let it go, and again. and again and every time the farmer just said
CEDRIC everytime. Finally the last one was a little bigger slip than before and the farmer said. CEDRIC get out of there before de dumps on you.

A contractor dies on a fishing accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band.

Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!"

"Congratulations for what?" asks the contractor

"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter. "We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old."

"But that's not true," says the consultant. "I only lived to be forty."

"That's impossible," says Saint Peter, "we added up your time sheets!!