frodo
Senior Member
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2008
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As told by a Friend
I just listed a boat over in the WTS/WTT section. I had an accident with this boat a couple of years ago. I posted the story on another message board and forgot about it......until today. I received a message from a gentleman who claims I owe him a new keyboard after he spit coffee all over his. This story is 100% true. I left out the various profanities that are a part of the story.
Here goes....
Next to my house I have a pond (my wife calls it a mudhole). One hot July day, I paddled my little jon boat out to the overflow pipe in the pond. The plan was to pull out the top section of pipe (about 4ft) so the pond would go down a few feet for me to clean up the bank. Well, the pipe was a little stubborn, so I had to stand up in the boat to pull it up.
So, I'm standing up in the boat with my arms wrapped around the 8 inch pipe lifting and twisting with all my might. Suddenly, the pipe breaks free, the boat shoots out from under me like a skateboard and I fall in. The boat, which was apparently mad at me, flipped over and knocked me in the head as an additional insult as I splooshed into the pond. As I'm going under (thinking about my life) I remembered that water moccasins smell like cucumbers. I then detected the smell of cucumbers, so I let go of the pipe section (that I was still hugging) and began to thrash my way to the levee.
Once on the bank, I checked for snakes in my pockets, in my shirt, in my underwear...you get the idea. After taking a deep breath and thanking the lord for letting me live, I realize that my boat is still floating upside-down in the pond. Its too heavy for me to drag up the steep bank and around to the area where my wife lets me park it. I cant get my truck close enough to drag it either.
So, you guessed it, I've got to flip it over and paddle it back to the other side. My paddle was floating and close to the bank and it was tied to a rope that was tied to the boat so I was able to use it to pull the boat closer. Strangely enough, I was able to get the boat to the bank and turn it rightside-up without incident.
Then I took a deep breath and got into the boat. I paddled across the pond slowly and carefully (so as not to make the boat mad again). While still in the boat, I used the paddle to push me up to edge where the bank was flat and the water was shallow. I pushed until the nose of the boat was bottomed out and I was able to stand up and walk to the front.
As I put my left foot onto the muddy ground, a little smirk of victory came across my face. The boat must have seen the smirk, because it suddenly shot backwards into the water (the skateboard trick again) while my right foot was still on board and my left foot was airborn. As a result, I went face-first into the mud and raked my right shin across the edge of the boat on my way down.
Now the entire front of my body is covered with mud, including my arms up to my elbows. My right shin is also red with a long sliver of skin hanging like a banana peel. My left foot is shoeless because the shoe is about a foot deep in mud and the boat is drifting around in the middle of the pond taunting me (the way your dog does when he doesn't want to come back to you).
So, I go to the shed to get my heavy catfish pole that is outfitted with two big treble hooks and heavy sinkers so I can cast out there and snag the boat and reel it back in. As I'm stumbling back toward the pond with the big catfish pole that has two big treble hooks, I had what drunks call "a moment of clarity". You see, there comes a time when you have to decide if you are being "tested" or "warned". As I looked at the boat (now gloating at me) in the middle of the pond, I thought about the day's events and I thought about the two big rusty treble hooks hanging on the catfish pole next to my groin. No doubt about it, I was being "warned".
I put down the pole, hosed off the mud, went inside, opened a beverage, and let the boat drift for two days before it finally washed safely ashore.
The End.
I just listed a boat over in the WTS/WTT section. I had an accident with this boat a couple of years ago. I posted the story on another message board and forgot about it......until today. I received a message from a gentleman who claims I owe him a new keyboard after he spit coffee all over his. This story is 100% true. I left out the various profanities that are a part of the story.
Here goes....
Next to my house I have a pond (my wife calls it a mudhole). One hot July day, I paddled my little jon boat out to the overflow pipe in the pond. The plan was to pull out the top section of pipe (about 4ft) so the pond would go down a few feet for me to clean up the bank. Well, the pipe was a little stubborn, so I had to stand up in the boat to pull it up.
So, I'm standing up in the boat with my arms wrapped around the 8 inch pipe lifting and twisting with all my might. Suddenly, the pipe breaks free, the boat shoots out from under me like a skateboard and I fall in. The boat, which was apparently mad at me, flipped over and knocked me in the head as an additional insult as I splooshed into the pond. As I'm going under (thinking about my life) I remembered that water moccasins smell like cucumbers. I then detected the smell of cucumbers, so I let go of the pipe section (that I was still hugging) and began to thrash my way to the levee.
Once on the bank, I checked for snakes in my pockets, in my shirt, in my underwear...you get the idea. After taking a deep breath and thanking the lord for letting me live, I realize that my boat is still floating upside-down in the pond. Its too heavy for me to drag up the steep bank and around to the area where my wife lets me park it. I cant get my truck close enough to drag it either.
So, you guessed it, I've got to flip it over and paddle it back to the other side. My paddle was floating and close to the bank and it was tied to a rope that was tied to the boat so I was able to use it to pull the boat closer. Strangely enough, I was able to get the boat to the bank and turn it rightside-up without incident.
Then I took a deep breath and got into the boat. I paddled across the pond slowly and carefully (so as not to make the boat mad again). While still in the boat, I used the paddle to push me up to edge where the bank was flat and the water was shallow. I pushed until the nose of the boat was bottomed out and I was able to stand up and walk to the front.
As I put my left foot onto the muddy ground, a little smirk of victory came across my face. The boat must have seen the smirk, because it suddenly shot backwards into the water (the skateboard trick again) while my right foot was still on board and my left foot was airborn. As a result, I went face-first into the mud and raked my right shin across the edge of the boat on my way down.
Now the entire front of my body is covered with mud, including my arms up to my elbows. My right shin is also red with a long sliver of skin hanging like a banana peel. My left foot is shoeless because the shoe is about a foot deep in mud and the boat is drifting around in the middle of the pond taunting me (the way your dog does when he doesn't want to come back to you).
So, I go to the shed to get my heavy catfish pole that is outfitted with two big treble hooks and heavy sinkers so I can cast out there and snag the boat and reel it back in. As I'm stumbling back toward the pond with the big catfish pole that has two big treble hooks, I had what drunks call "a moment of clarity". You see, there comes a time when you have to decide if you are being "tested" or "warned". As I looked at the boat (now gloating at me) in the middle of the pond, I thought about the day's events and I thought about the two big rusty treble hooks hanging on the catfish pole next to my groin. No doubt about it, I was being "warned".
I put down the pole, hosed off the mud, went inside, opened a beverage, and let the boat drift for two days before it finally washed safely ashore.
The End.
