DIY Home Improvement, Remodeling & Repair Forum > General Discussion > General Chit-Chat > Funny Pictures and stories....




Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 04-22-2014, 01:27 PM  
nealtw
Contractor
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Upper Fraser Valley, British Columbia
Posts: 13,842
Liked 1400 Times on 1234 Posts
Likes Given: 2420

Default

SEX AFTER DEATH

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion .... Marion "
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.
I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens).
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night.
I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"
"No, not exactly …...


I'm a rabbit in Saskatchewan."


nealtw is online now  
4
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-28-2014, 04:46 PM  
nealtw
Contractor
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Upper Fraser Valley, British Columbia
Posts: 13,842
Liked 1400 Times on 1234 Posts
Likes Given: 2420

Default

https://www.youtube.com/embed/tiAZ01...layer_embedded


nealtw is online now  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-28-2014, 04:55 PM  
oldognewtrick
Moderator
HRT_ADMIN.png
 
oldognewtrick's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 7,236
Liked 721 Times on 592 Posts
Likes Given: 230

Default

Click image for larger version

Name:	ImageUploadedByHome Repair1398725707.651736.jpg
Views:	80
Size:	155.7 KB
ID:	6444

..........
oldognewtrick is offline  
3
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-28-2014, 05:16 PM  
inspectorD
Housebroken
HRT_ADMIN.png
 
inspectorD's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Litchfield, CT
Posts: 4,260
Liked 187 Times on 156 Posts
Likes Given: 464

Default Great

Ya know... ladies...I lost my dog....could you help....
__________________
Just My
Made in the
inspectorD is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-28-2014, 06:04 PM  
nealtw
Contractor
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Upper Fraser Valley, British Columbia
Posts: 13,842
Liked 1400 Times on 1234 Posts
Likes Given: 2420

Default

Really sweetheart, I never noticed the girls when I took the picture of Rover.
nealtw is online now  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2014, 12:54 PM  
nealtw
Contractor
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Upper Fraser Valley, British Columbia
Posts: 13,842
Liked 1400 Times on 1234 Posts
Likes Given: 2420

Default

I wonder what they put at the other end of the tunnel
funny-ads-funny-advertisements-4.jpg  
nealtw is online now  
3
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2014, 02:42 PM  
oldognewtrick
Moderator
HRT_ADMIN.png
 
oldognewtrick's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 7,236
Liked 721 Times on 592 Posts
Likes Given: 230

Default

https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/emb...art=82&end=321
oldognewtrick is offline  
2
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2014, 03:36 PM  
inspectorD
Housebroken
HRT_ADMIN.png
 
inspectorD's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Litchfield, CT
Posts: 4,260
Liked 187 Times on 156 Posts
Likes Given: 464

Default ayup

Sad state of mind right there... where the hell do they think it comes from??

I LOVE IT!!..
__________________
Just My
Made in the
inspectorD is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2014, 03:55 PM  
nealtw
Contractor
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Upper Fraser Valley, British Columbia
Posts: 13,842
Liked 1400 Times on 1234 Posts
Likes Given: 2420

Default

That is priceless.
nealtw is online now  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-27-2014, 10:57 AM  
oldognewtrick
Moderator
HRT_ADMIN.png
 
oldognewtrick's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 7,236
Liked 721 Times on 592 Posts
Likes Given: 230

Default

POLICE HARASSMENT

Recently, the Chula Vista, California Police Department ran an e-mail forum with the local community (a question and answer exchange) with the topic being, "Community Policing." One of the civilian e-mail participants posed the following question:

"I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?"

From the "other side" (the law enforcement side) Sgt Bennett, obviously a cop with a sense of humor replied:

"First of all, let me tell you this...it's not easy. In Chula Vista, we average one cop for every 600 people.

Only about 60% of those cops are on general duty (or what you might refer to as "patrol") where we do most of our harassing. The rest are in non-harassing departments that do not allow them contact with the day to day innocents.

At any given moment, only one-fifth of the 60% patrollers are on duty and available for harassing people while the rest are off duty.

So roughly, one cop is responsible for harassing about 5,000 residents. When you toss in the commercial business, and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 10,000 or more people a day.

Now, your average ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds long. This gives a cop one second to harass a person, and then only three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND then find a new person to harass.

This is not an easy task. To be honest, most cops are not up to this challenge day in and day out. It is just too tiring.

What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we can realistically harass.

The tools available to us are as follow:

PHONE: People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment.

"My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase used often. This means we'll come out and give somebody some special harassment.

Another popular one: "There's a guy breaking into a house." The harassment team is then put into action.

CARS: We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars with no insurance or no driver's licenses and the like.

It's lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light.

Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, they are drunk, or have an outstanding warrant on file.

RUNNERS: Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for hours to determine why they didn't want to talk to us.

STATUTES: When we don't have PHONES or CARS and have nothing better to do, there are actually books that give us ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Statutes"; Criminal Codes, Motor Vehicle Codes, etc...They all spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people

After you read the statute, you can just drive around for awhile until you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass them.

Just last week I saw a guy trying to steal a car. Well, there's this book we have that says that's not allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy. It's a really cool system that we've set up, and it works pretty well.

We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because for the good citizens who pay the tab, we try to keep the streets safe for them, and they
pay us to "harass" some people.

Next time you are in my town, give me the old "single finger wave." That's another one of those codes. It means, "You can't harass me." It's one of our favorites.

Hopefully sir, this has clarified to you a little bit better how we harass the good citizens of Chula Vista.


oldognewtrick is offline  
nealtw Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter DIY Home Repair Forum Replies Last Post
Funny smell in the water brasilmom Water Softener and Heater 17 07-28-2015 11:16 AM
Funny TxBuilder General Chit-Chat 16 04-18-2011 11:20 PM
Saw this thought it was funny. funetical General Chit-Chat 2 04-16-2011 05:09 AM
Clean, funny stuff. inspectorD Cleaning 28 01-31-2010 10:21 PM
funny acting circuits? lartomar2002 Electrical and Wiring 6 03-11-2008 03:53 PM

Newest Threads

LATEST SPONSOR DEALS