Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal.
Bid opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low bidder - Contractor who was bluffing and is wondering what he left out.
Engineer's estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.
Architect - Thinks 3 dimensional, draws 2 dimensional....missing one dimension.
Critical path method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Auditor - Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the bodies.
Lawyer - Person who goes in after the auditor to strip the bodies. (Good thing this is family orientated)
And saving the best for last....
OSHA - A protective coating made by half baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney....usually applied at random with a shotgun.