Discussion in 'General Home Improvement Discussion' started by zannej, Mar 29, 2016.
I am sure there is something that could be said about that,:rofl::rofl:
It may seem strange, but I'd probably look into some kind of online fundraising for the family, such as GoFundMe. You'd be surprised at how much people will help out. I've seen people raise $30K+ when they lost their house.
JMR, my friend has a gofundme. It's been shared numerous times but he hasn't even raised $200 from it. People are more likely to donate to someone to get veterinary care for a cute dog or cat. Or give money to a cute girl who wants a new laptop or to go on vacation or something.
I don't know if I'm allowed to post the gofundme link here.
Anyway, the 6-year-old is getting worse in his behavior. The school had to call his grandfather (because the mother couldn't be reached at work). Kid was stealing stuff, talking back to the teachers, screaming, and generally being such a pain that they felt the need to call in a parent or guardian. But then, this is the same school system where the principal once called my father in over an "urgent matter" because my brother drew a picture of a hand with a middle finger extended and threw it in the trash. Another kid dug it out of the trash, they photocopied it, and called my father down from work as if my brother had done something really heinous.
Kid is going to see a counselor tomorrow.
Even though the electrician hooked everything up, the power hasn't been turned on yet because they said the inspector needs to come look at it first. My friend has been waiting for days for the inspector to show and they won't even give him an ETA or return his calls.
I brought over some power tools and helped my friend repair a hole in the floor. I couldn't help much physically, but I handed him tools and gave him some suggestions to help (like using a block against the plywood to help tap it into place to not damage the plywood) and held some stuff up while he secured it. Then I picked up food for him and his girlfriend and drove the girlfriend to work.
I did notice a plumbing problem that will need to be fixed. The girlfriend had been washing stuff in the sink and I noticed that there was soapy water dumping out under the trailer. I looked and discovered that there was no PVC or proper drain attached to the sink. Instead, it looked like a hose to a vacuum.
I went to look inside and saw that the old plumbing had previously used an AAV. Currently, they have this hose duck taped to the drain with no trap.
The old plumbing was ABS. My friend is thinking of changing the duck tape monstrosity out for PVC and using a fernco to hook to the ABS. I'm not sure the AAV works though. There is probably a reason they disconnected that stuff.
I wanted to update on this: My friend ended up breaking up with his girlfriend and selling the trailer to her (well, she was *supposed* to buy it but she never paid so he's out the $). He got his fridge back from her and started fixing up a house that belongs to his late grandmother. It's a smaller house with a larger yard. The bathroom is larger than the one in the burned house but the kitchen is smaller (the kitchen is actually smaller than the bathroom). It still needs some work.
Someone went in to steal and destroy anything of value that was left in the burned house. Found some of the belongings on the neighbor's porch and suspect some of the grandkids were the culprits.
My friend's father was helping with some of the repairs but they had a falling out bc the father got high on meth and tried to kill him and the father passed away in November last year.
The upside is he found a girlfriend who is very supportive and sweet. She's great with his daughter, cleans up, cooks for him, and doesn't pull the mind games his ex did. They are now engaged.
He still hopes to someday fix up the burned house, but it won't be anytime soon.
A nice-to-hear update. All too often our hearts want to take us places where our brain screams "NO!" and when that happens you'd better stop, step back, and think about it awhile. But most people don't. We humans often do stupid things!
I'm a recovered drug and alcohol addict, 14 1/2 years clean and never going back, and I can no longer tolerate being around people with those kinds of problems. Even if they're helping me get something done. You just can't trust them or know what they'll do next. The best thing you can do for them us to let them feel their own self-caused pain and misery until they make the decision to clean up their act. I know that sounds heartless but as long as they can find a way to continue living with their addictions they will keep on doing that, so helping them during that time is actually hurting them even more.
Houses that sit open and unoccupied tend to go to crap rather quickly so I'm hoping your friend can get going on the burned house soon; otherwise it may be better to demo it and start all over, possibly re-using whatever good materials can be salvaged from it. At least then you can create the floorplan you want!
Thanks, Phil. I'm glad you got over your addiction and have been clean. My friend's father had been an addict since his teens and was in his mid-40s. He was in and out of rehab over 20 times, but his parents (mostly his mother) kept enabling him. My friend was living with his grandparents when the father attacked him (the father was also living there). The grandmother was away on a trip and the guy got thrown in jail (but with $0 bond). As soon as the grandmother got back, she bailed him out and brought him back to the house despite the fact that her grandson had a restraining order against him. She chose her son over her grandson-- and the grandson is a law abiding good guy who always helps out, never did drugs, doesn't drink, and is trying to do do something with his life. His father stole from everyone constantly and was unemployed. But because the mother kept bailing him out and allowing him to walk all over, he just continued to do it. So, my friend had to move out because he couldn't be in the same home as his father. The really sad thing is, the incident made his father get serious about getting clean & as far as we know, he hadn't used drugs in at least a month but he got pneumonia. My friend is taking it hard, but he's moving on. I promised his grandmother I'd look after him so he knows he can call me any time of day or night if he needs help.
I'm going to help him do some painting and try to find something to put on the floor so his daughter can move in fulltime. It will be better for her to be away from her mother. She currently doesn't have her own room at the trailer.
At 58 and with growing health issues myself, I've come to realize that it is a total waste of everything to try to help those what are not trying to help themselves. My next-door-neighbor keeps her adult daughter up, and that girl is strung out on prescribed Methadone. When one Doctor tries to wean her from it she just goes to another- she does not want to help herself by quitting. As a consequence I will not help her Mother who us a really great person in every other way. That part kind of hurts me but I can't support an enabler any more than a user, for the end result is the same. Sad to hear his Father didn't get to enjoy being clean long before he died, but we're never promised a tomorrow. Had he cleaned up earlier there would be much less sadness and much more success in your story, and without enablers maybe that would have happened.
Kind of getting off topic with this but you and your friend do have my sympathies and I hope your future days are better ones.
I highly suspect that the constant drug use weakened his system and that if he'd gotten clean sooner & stayed clean he might have lived much longer-- but then, when it comes to the medical treatment here (or lack thereof) he might still have died anyway. And sometimes I wish I could use a time machine to go back and find the jerk who got him (and many other children) addicted to drugs in the first place. He got the mayor's son hooked as well as several other people I knew (all of whom are now dead). I was told he was a boy scout leader who started giving the kids mild drugs, then started getting them hooked on stronger stuff and used them as mules. He was active in the community and went to church every Sunday and pretended to be an upstanding guy so all the parents trusted him-- and since he used the kids to hold and transport the drugs for him, he didn't get busted & when the kids said he was their dealer, nobody believed them.
I get off topic all the time. LOL.
Right now my friend is trying to tackle the rodent infestation in his house. They are coming from the attic and there is no access to get in to the attic (well, there is a small hole, but even his size zero 76lb fiance can't fit through it).
Wow that's awful! They're very lucky no people were injured. Is the house repaired or did they decide to move into a new home?
The burned house is still un-repaired. They are trying to fix up the other house, but my friend's grandmother recently passed away. She raised him and was more like a mother to him so he's devastated. Things are further complicated by the fact that his grandfather is disabled and completely dependent on others to care for him but the two surviving sons are not in a position to help. The older one lives out of town and the younger one his an emotional wreck who has been drowning his sorrows with alcohol & isn't reliable. So my friend and his fiance are now staying with the grandfather. There are some repairs that need to be done there. Before she passed away, his grandmother got frustrated with the waste from the washing machine backing up in the kitchen sink so she just put the drain hose for it out the window. The plumber who did the kitchen and laundry room didn't put in plumbing vents and didn't have a proper standpipe for the washing machine. But, my friend now has a bleeding ulcer and doesn't feel up to tearing open walls to fix things. I'm hoping things will work out for him and that he'll finally catch a break.
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