How the heck do I stain the underside of a patio?

OK, gurus, I need some advise. I have a 15' x 15' five sided patio with rough sawn wood. I purchased the house and the patio was in good shape, and all stained a nice color. Since I added a new roof last week, the roofer needed to tear out about 50 sq ft of the old 1" x 6" shiplap, and all I need to do is to stain this small portion, which is the underside of the roof, all in nice, exposed lumber.

Please do not drink anything for the next minute until you finish reading what I am about to type, because you will probably spit out what is in your mouth because of excessive laughter.

I purchased two quarts of penetrating stain by Minwax this morning. I set up a brand new 10' x 12' drop cloth, so I wouldn't make a mess anywhere...or at least I thought.

You see, I began by ragging on the finish. Since it is new rough sawn 1" x 6" shiplap wood, the cloth snagged everything. I then went to a 2" brush. I dipped it and the stain went right down my arm into my armpit.

I then went to a 4" brush, and same thing, it just ran down my arm, belly and legs. I then decided to get smart. I put 2 quarts of stain into a brand new Thompson sprayer. I tighten the flow to just a small flow, and went to town.

I got about 2 square feet into it, and the sprayer took on a life if its own, and started spraying everywhere. I pulled my finger off the trigger and set it down to wipe off the excess stain, which hit my floor, the stucco wall and my plants, only to discover that the trigger locked on and I had stain everywhere, including inside the screens of my Milgard windows!

I frantically began to wipe the stain off the floor at about the same time that the 2 square feet of stain collected in the center, and started dripping into my hair, my back, and even the crack of my arse.

Well, I just about had enough of this stain crap. I poured the two cans of stain back into their original cans, threw the Thompson sprayer the 2 brushes, the 3 stained rags, and my shoes into the center of this now destroyed 10' x 12', and went inside to take a shower.

OK, done laughing? Now, could someone please advise me how the hell to finish staining the underside of this roof, so I can move on to replacing the plants, repainting the stucco, buying new shoes, and making up with my better half after yelling at her because of my stupidity?

 

I actually thought about cutting up a big tile sponge, into a manageable 3" square then dipping and blotting the stain. Ya think this will work?

 

I'd have to dig it out of the trash!

 

To late to say stain before installing, I guess.
Almost dry brush, takes alot longer, not so messy.

 

I'd go back and try the Thompson sprayer approach or from the sounds of it just use your body to apply the stain since you are wearing most of it.

Sorry, I can feel your frustration from here.

 

Well, I cut the sponge and ready to try this approach, but decided on not doing it today so I can not get frustrated again. As they say...manana.

 

Years ago I bought a Craftsman (Wagner) cup gun sprayer and a flexible nozzle extension so it could spray upwards to do the underside of a second floor deck. Worked fine. Lots of covering and masking but it went fast after that. There's one on Ebay now.
Reconditioned Wagner Power Painter Airless Paint Stain Sprayer 85 Watts + Extras





HTH

 

I'm familiar with the Wagner power sprayers and as a matter of fact, I painted my first house with one back in 1975? Problem is, I can still purchase them at the store, but can almost guarantee that it would have to be trashed afterwards because of the stain. Seems crazy to spend so much money for a "use once and toss" tool.

 

Go to HF and grab an auto spray gun with your 20% off coupon it will be ten bucks, use it then toss it.

 

I went to Lowes AND Home Depot today because it donned on me that they have (or should I say USE to have) aerosol cans of spray stain. Both stores said they USE to carry these, but were outlawed from selling in California because it was not "earth and ozone" friendly. They both recommended picking up a HVLP sprayer, similar to what Chris is saying. Problem is that none of the HVLP sprayers have a 90 degree spray tip for spraying ceilings, but the $200+ models have a bendable straw for sucking the liquid with the cups inverted sideways. Problem is the lids seem to always leak, so I would once again have a mess on my hands. I did pick up a quart size hand sprayer, which may help but Chris gave me a great idea...Harbor Freight tomorrow... if I can find that blasted 20% off coupon.

 

The stain is easily cleaned out by spraying some mineral spirits through it. BTDT.

 

Just hire someone else to get dirty?