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shan2themax

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I am just glad that I kept the majority of what was swimming around my head out of my mouth.
This is all I have ever known, my kids have always told me she was selfish, narcissistic, etc but I have always said..... now bow, we dont know what it's like to be given away and the emotional toll that plays..... and while that's true.... it's also BS. It was 62 years ago, theres been plenty of time to delve into it.
I have to stop playing this dumb record.

I'm not even upset anymore... I just have seen today, that the big picture is that she does not care about my wants or needs and thinks I am terrible and has felt that way since I was 12 and more so since I was 17

Example:
She had me unmarried at 22, I've never met my dad, he didnt pay child support or anything. Yet when I got pregnant @16, had him at 17..... she told me I should have known better, to which I replied..... she was an adult..... she should have known better..... to which I was told that that simply wasn't true. I should have been the one to know better.
That's the sanity with her 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️
 

zannej

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Shan, the soap looks cool!

I'm very sorry about the situation with your mother. I know how that can be. Mine will refuse to do stuff she can easily do and complains if I'm not home to wait on her hand and foot-- even when I'm out getting groceries or taking care of something that needs to be done. She's gotten a little bit better about it lately though. She'll tell me I should go get a job and I have to remind her that she has a fit if I'm gone more than a couple of hours and that me having a job would mean she would have to fend for herself and she doesn't like that. She wants me to have a paying job but still be home to wait on her. I do plan to get a job once this pandemic passes though. Really hoping I can get something online if we can get better internet. I wouldn't mind being online text only tech support.

It rained all day and internet was spotty. The rain made me sleepy. I kept dozing off.

The cats just went out in the rain and came back in soaking wet and want to sit on me. LOL.
 

Flyover

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That's a tough situation Shan, not sure what else I can say. I have a lot of Indian friends for whom it's very normal, actually expected, that they'll live with their parents their whole lives and they seem to like it fine. I want to admire that but I personally don't know how it could be possible. My mom drives me nuts after five minutes on the phone and that's without us even arguing about anything. I guess ultimately we all just try to do better for our kids than our parents did for us.

I can't find the "before" pictures I took of my garage; they would make the "after" pictures more impressive. Oh well. Coming soon.
 

Spicoli43

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Sorry, Shan... You have to resign yourself to the fact she will never change. The way you describe it, I would figure out how to put her in a home. None of my business of course, but I don't think I could have any good emotions toward someone like that.
 

zannej

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It's pretty common in Chinese/Asian families for the children to stay with their parents. They usually don't have large families though. You'll have the grandparents, their grown sons and the son's wife & kid(s). The daughters are expected to move in with the husband's parents when they get married. Until then, they often stay with their own parents. It was about the same in Guam. It usually meant that they had constant childcare if the grandparents were still alive and/or aunts/uncles still lived there. I remember in Singapore they would have quite a few people living in a flat (apartment).

Although, in Guam they had a tradition of the parents having kids in their teens and the kids being raised by the grandparents. The parents could party, go to school, start work, etc while the kids were being raised and then when their kids were teens and started having kids, they would take on the role of parents to the grandkids. It wasn't uncommon for the grandparents to be far more attached to the grandkids than the parents were. And they had pretty big families there.

It's tough with family because it's harder to just kick them out or move away because there is so much societal pressure to take care of them. Sometimes it is rewarding. Other times there are people so toxic that the best thing to do is to cut them out of your life. Sad thing is, there are perfectly nice people who were nothing but kind to their kids but the kids are spoiled & not willing to help. I can see if the parents are a-holes, but some people give and give and all the offspring do is take. Then you have the reverse. Like my friend's mom who is always trying to bum money off of my friend. He's the only one of his siblings who is even on speaking terms with her because she has gotten on the last nerve of all of his sisters.

Today I cleaned up after my brother and around 7:30pm he decided he wanted me to take him to the grocery store. He wasn't willing to go earlier when I'd asked. It was raining but I found him an umbrella. I'm fine with getting rained on. Despite what kids may think, I won't melt if I get water on me. :p

Also, this weather map sort of reminds me of a commercial for erectile dysfunction.
1631688676797.png
 

Flyover

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Of my Indian friends, two (one male, one female) are close enough that I can relate their situations in more detail. Both are married (not to each other, haha) and live with their parents, though neither have kids of their own (yet?). The male friend at least has a very large family, all in India where he is too. The female friend lives here, as do her siblings and mom (and actually her situation is less conventional because her mom only moved in after being diagnosed with cancer so my friend is taking care of her), but her extended family is mostly in India and I'm not sure if it's an especially large family. The way Indians use "aunt" and "uncle" for both the literal "parent's sibling" and "friend who happens to be older" it's hard to tell sometimes how big the family really is, haha. (Some people in the US use "cousin" and "close friend" interchangeably too, it's funny.)

In my experience at least, kids have to be threatened just to keep them OUT of the rain. "Can I go play in the ditch in front of the house" (regardless whether we're about to leave to go somewhere or if it's time to sit down and eat dinner or whatever) is a pretty common refrain in my house if there's a heavy downpour. They're cute in their raincoats and boots though, it's fun to watch. It's my wife who acts like she'll melt. Personally, I have never owned an umbrella.

Reminds me though: we took our two youngest kids to the zoo this spring and it started rain storming really heavily as we were walking back to the car. I had the baby in a harness. It was her first experience being out in the rain and she got so excited, she was gasping and laughing and all four limbs were going full speed at once, it was hilarious. She thought it was some kind of special outdoor bathtime.

Zannej, your brother doesn't drive either??
 
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Spicoli43

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I have heard that Italians live with their families until they get married. I guess they don't mind it??? With never ending pasta, okay. If it was me... 2 weeks past my 18th Birthday, full up on pasta...

"Mom, I'm moving out and going on a Paleo diet"...

"You're F**** doing WHAT? You get your F***** A*** in here and shut the door, young man, don't you even think of F******** wait until your Father is home, he's going to Holy S***** Is the ceiling on my life collapsing, I'm dying!!! He's gonna rip your B**** off, you ingrate F***** Don't worry about me, I'll be dead in the morning, you take care of your 19 Sisters and Brothers, take all your 3 shirts and your pair of shoes that we slaved to buy you, go ahead, break our hearts"....

I agree with the standard US idea of moving out when you're 17 or so and getting struck with economic lightning so you know how the real world works.

Zannej... I have never seen a 30 MPH Hurricane before. ??? There's nothing registering on the Earth site.
 

BuzzLOL

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I have heard that Italians live with their families until they get married.

I agree with the standard US idea of moving out when you're 17 or so and getting struck with economic lightning so you know how the real world works.
By now I think most with Italian ancestry live like most other Americans...
I thought 'standard US' was save money by living with parents until graduating college and thus qualifying for a job your own family can live on through child bearing age...
 

Spicoli43

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By now I think most with Italian ancestry live like most other Americans...
I thought 'standard US' was save money by living with parents until graduating college and thus qualifying for a job your own family can live on through child bearing age...
Could be. Their families are tight knit though, they don't stray far.

I have never heard of living with the parents until graduating college.
 

BuzzLOL

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Could be. Their families are tight knit though, they don't stray far.

I have never heard of living with the parents until graduating college.
You talk like Italians are from another planet...
I assume 2nd comment is sarcasm...
 

Spicoli43

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I have literally never heard of a kid staying with their parents through college. I never lived in cities where the rent / mortgage was insane though. People I knew my age after HS all had apartments and jobs, some went to college and lived in dorms.
 

BuzzLOL

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I have literally never heard of a kid staying with their parents through college. I never lived in cities where the rent / mortgage was insane though. People I knew my age after HS all had apartments and jobs, some went to college and lived in dorms.
Only the kids with well off parents have the money to live in dorms plus pay tuition... most college students are commuters from home..
 

Flyover

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I have literally never heard of a kid staying with their parents through college. I never lived in cities where the rent / mortgage was insane though. People I knew my age after HS all had apartments and jobs, some went to college and lived in dorms.
This was a new thing to me too, when I discovered many of my peers doing it after I moved out at 18 (though nobody I knew from high school did this). Even in the low-cost-of-living city I moved to, I guess it still allowed the kids to save more money. And I think a lot of the parents had anxieties about their kids moving out too. (Not sure why; I look forward to being an empty nester!)

Yesterday after moving the power outlet I hung a 98" long 2x4 across the masonry wall in my mechanical room and added a brace in the middle so I could have a place to hang my guitars. Gonna actually drill the holes and put the hooks in today.
 

Spicoli43

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Only the kids with well off parents have the money to live in dorms plus pay tuition... most college students are commuters from home..
Maybe you're right. I'm talking about 3 decades ago. Everybody I knew could afford an apartment with a roommate and still take College classes and go to the bars. Jobs in Construction or at the Navy Shipyard made it easy to afford.

Now, in a town where fast food or the gas station are the employers, that wouldn't work.
 

Eddie_T

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We had to travel to go to college. Most that I knew came home for summers, I did until the end was in sight then I went to school year round until I finished.
 

Flyover

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Once I moved out (age 18 right after high school) I was out. I moved across the country, actually. My mom moved too (she moved in with her boyfriend in another state; before that we'd been renting half a duplex). There was no "going back home". My home became where I lay my head. I felt like a grown-up because I was on my own -- no care packages, no taking my laundry home for mommy to do, not even phone calls because I didn't have a cell phone.

@Spicoli: which isn't to say I could afford it. :p I pretty much starved until I was in my late 20s, despite working up to 3 jobs at a time.

I'm a bit alarmed about all the people my age (mid/late-30s) who now talk about "adulting". Like, WTF y'all been doing the past two decades??
 
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Spicoli43

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Oh yeah, I remember the Top Ramen days. That's where I got my High Blood Pressure for sure!! I also worked at McDonalds and Godfathers and had half off employee meals. I only had one good roommate though, lots of them didn't do their part. One of them spent my half of the rent on Coke, so I did get to go back to Mommy's house. HA HA HA HA.

Every time I think about making some extra cash, even though this is my joint, I remember all the bad roommates and it isn't worth thinking about..

I had to look up adulting, never heard that term.

I guess they can run the dishwasher fine can they now, maybe sprinkle a little laundry detergent right in the clothes and turn that dial a little bitty bit now? When the machine goes beep beep, they can put the clothes in the dryer then? Maybe add a sheet of perfume surprise stuff while the dryin happens, hmm? Remove the clothes and fold them up nice and neat? Hang up some and iron others while feeling like a good accomplished person?

Sorry, Stewie took control of the keyboard...
 

zannej

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I was overseas where I couldn't legally get a job when I turned 18. When we moved to Guam I started working (and went to college). My college didn't have dorms and it's a small island so I stayed at home with my parents. I didn't make enough to move back to the mainland and I didn't want to permanently live there. Plus I was still covered by my parent's insurance until I was 23 so long as I was still going to college. By the time we transferred back to the mainland I'd been having health issues.

It's very common for people to stay with their parents now because jobs don't pay enough and rent is insanely high for tiny places. It's just not feasible.

My brother does drive but he's not allowed to drive Mom's truck (as that is our main vehicle). His truck needs some work done on it to be safe to drive. He was supposed to be making sure the CR-V got started to keep the battery up, but he forgot so the battery is dead. Also, since they messed up the road, the CR-V can't make it on the road. It would get high-centered. The truck has 18" wheels and AWD but I was having trouble with it. I need to get the tie rod & alignment checked because the steering has been feeling loose and the truck keeps pulling to the right. I'll have to take it through the car wash and get an undercarriage spray. It's covered in mud right now. My brother's truck only has 17" wheels and in the truck with 18" wheels I could feel and hear mud scraping the bottom when I drove today.

Mom insisted I go get mail and pick up an RX for her. Stopped in to see my friend & he wanted to go to HD to get a lousy cabinet. I convinced him to wait for me to take him tomorrow so he can get a better cabinet (HD has particle board garbage but other place has thick plywood and real oak). He's afraid to try to drive certain places due to being blind in one eye and having diminished vision in his working eye. We've been discussing how we are going to move an outlet for the microwave. He wants to put in some sort of countertop over the dishwasher so he can have more prep space.

Meanwhile, Mom bought another ice maker. We have one already but she forgot I guess. So now it's taking up space on the potato bin and I have no idea what to do with it. She said "put it up in a cabinet". I said "We don't have a cabinet large enough to fit it! That's why the old one is sitting out on top of the entertainment center Cordell gave us!" (the entertainment center has an 8 track player, vinyl record player, and cassette player in it).
 

Eddie_T

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I've been using a little Igloo ice maker for five years, maybe more. I got it because the copper line to the fridge ice maker froze one time too many and I wasn't ready to fish a PEX line through the attic. Now that it's just me one filling will make enough ice to last a week. I transfer it to the bin in the fridge freezer.

I think I have a plan to get the PEX in place w/o crawling in the attic. I will use a couple of sticks of thin walled ¾" PVC with the ¼" PEX inside to guide the PEX to a snare through the ceiling in the cabinet over the fridge. Then route it through the cabinet to behind the fridge. The kitchen and utility room are only 14ft wide so the attic is low. I routed coax through the attic that way from a satellite dish and it worked out well.
 

havasu

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It's pretty common in Chinese/Asian families for the children to stay with their parents. They usually don't have large families though. You'll have the grandparents, their grown sons and the son's wife & kid(s). The daughters are expected to move in with the husband's parents when they get married. Until then, they often stay with their own parents. It was about the same in Guam. It usually meant that they had constant childcare if the grandparents were still alive and/or aunts/uncles still lived there. I remember in Singapore they would have quite a few people living in a flat (apartment).

Although, in Guam they had a tradition of the parents having kids in their teens and the kids being raised by the grandparents. The parents could party, go to school, start work, etc while the kids were being raised and then when their kids were teens and started having kids, they would take on the role of parents to the grandkids. It wasn't uncommon for the grandparents to be far more attached to the grandkids than the parents were. And they had pretty big families there.

It's tough with family because it's harder to just kick them out or move away because there is so much societal pressure to take care of them. Sometimes it is rewarding. Other times there are people so toxic that the best thing to do is to cut them out of your life. Sad thing is, there are perfectly nice people who were nothing but kind to their kids but the kids are spoiled & not willing to help. I can see if the parents are a-holes, but some people give and give and all the offspring do is take. Then you have the reverse. Like my friend's mom who is always trying to bum money off of my friend. He's the only one of his siblings who is even on speaking terms with her because she has gotten on the last nerve of all of his sisters.

Today I cleaned up after my brother and around 7:30pm he decided he wanted me to take him to the grocery store. He wasn't willing to go earlier when I'd asked. It was raining but I found him an umbrella. I'm fine with getting rained on. Despite what kids may think, I won't melt if I get water on me. :p

Also, this weather map sort of reminds me of a commercial for erectile dysfunction.
View attachment 26575
You're looking at it upside down. It is a Happy Storm!
 

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