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Old 06-18-2013, 06:01 AM  
WindowsonWashington
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I made it through the weekend.


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Old 06-18-2013, 01:25 PM  
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Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, Neal from Canada, and the last one was from Florida.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?”

So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Next was Neal from Canada. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, “$2,700.”

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“Easy,” he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire Neal.”



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Old 06-18-2013, 01:36 PM  
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Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building. The Italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The Chinese guy opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The blonde guy opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"

So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death. That weekend at the funeral, the Italian and the Chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me." And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde guy's wife replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."

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Old 06-19-2013, 09:23 AM  
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LOL, that's pretty good.
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Old 06-20-2013, 07:20 AM  
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Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. Austin from Texas, Neal from Canada, and the last one was from San Diego named Villa.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?”

So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Austin. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

Next was Neal from Canada. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.

Without so much as moving, Villa said, “$2,700.”

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“Easy,” he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire Neal.”
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:07 PM  
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“Easy,” he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire Neal.”
Oh sure give the job the illegal alien
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:52 PM  
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The new PC term is “undocumented immigrants” or “undocumented contractor” in this case. I would have to know if you are using the exchange rate in your quotes though.

I told this joke to several coworkers who all laughed and then asked who’s Villa?
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:29 PM  
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The new PC term is “undocumented immigrants” or “undocumented contractor” in this case. I would have to know if you are using the exchange rate in your quotes though.

I told this joke to several coworkers who all laughed and then asked who’s Villa?
undocumented contractors can't be trusted, I would ask for the cost of mat. up front and head for the boarder.

Then Villa would be the guy helping the gaard build the fence.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:54 PM  
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Great --- rip off my joke, change it around, then blame me instead of the illegal alien contractor??

Try THIS ONE:

One day, there were a bunch of men are on a construction site. A normal, hard working construction worker, an engineer, a scientist, and a union worker. They all happen to be on their break, when the subject comes up about their dogs, and how smart they are.

The construction guy tells everyone how smart his dog is and wants to show everyone, so he calls him "T-Bone! get over here. Do your stuff T-bone" T-Bone runs over to the work kitchen, prepares a perfect dozen of fresh cookies and brings them back!

The guys were pretty amazed. The second guy, the engineer, wants to show off what his dog has, so he calls him over. "T-Square get over here!" T-Square grabs a piece of paper and a pencil, and draws a circle, triangle, and a square. "wow," said the guys not bad..... not bad.

The scientist having his nose up in the air says to all of them, "that was nothing!" "Watch this! Calculus!!! Do your stuff" Calculus runs into the work kitchen and pours 3 glasses of milk that are exactly 8 ounces each, puts them on a tray and carefully drags the tray back!

Well the guys were very amazed with the scientist and pretty much gave him the credit for having the smartest dog. A few minutes go by and they forgot all about the union worker. "What can your dog do??" "Huh who me?" he says. "Coffee Break get in here!" Coffee Break runs over, eats the cookies, drinks the milk, ****s on the paper, screws all 3 dogs (two of whom were male), complains about back pain while doing so, and goes home on worker's compensation leave.
DOG.jpg  
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:13 PM  
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Are alien contractors illegal if they don't do any work?


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