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oldognewtrick said:
Statistics have proven that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it...:help:
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LOL! :clap:

Speaking of fat jokes, I don't have a problem making fun of myself for being overweight and one day when I was at the checkout at Sam's club, I informed a friend of mine that inside every fat woman there is a skinny woman trying to get out. Then I muttered in a small voice "help me! help me!" and then patted my belly and said "shut up in there!" and the cashier nearly dropped whatever he was scanning and doubled over laughing. The joke itself wasn't all that funny, but his reaction was priceless.
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It is the spur of the moment, jokes like the one you pulled that are funny.


This is more embarrassing than funny. in 1989, I walked into our local 7/11 to buy a cold beer,,,as i was paying for it.
I asked the lady when her baby was due. just making conversation..
I got the stink eye, and a curt "I am not pregnant"

well, i felt about 2'' tall. and could not get the hell out of their fast enough.
To this day,,,I do not care if your in labor, I will not say a damn thing about a women being pregnant
 
A clerk at Sam's once thought I was pregnant and asked how far along I was. I thought it was funny and laughed it off. She was mortified for asking and being wrong, but I told her not to worry and that I wasn't offended.

Today is actually my sister's birthday.

My brother texted me that he wrecked the car as a joke. Didn't work bc I know he would have called instead.
 
friend who is into miniatures. made me a mini me.

164.jpg
 
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2015-04-01 21.25.24.jpg
 
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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
 
slownsteady said:
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
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LOL. More than likely, the congressmen would go to an extremely expensive barber and then bill it as some sort of work expense and get the taxpayers to pay it for them.
 
10419622_10152772044590350_5445181088920515848_n.jpg
 
This reminds me of my cats when they want me to wake up:
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q[/ame]
 
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