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RedneckGrump

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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in? " he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya. "Of course, you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband? "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery. "Oh, God no! " cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me... "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. "Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim? "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned. "Oh, my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truly, Tim. Did he at least go quickly? "Well, no Brenda, no. "No? "Fact is, he got out three times to pee. "
 

RedneckGrump

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COINCIDENCE

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of course," replies the second man.

I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."
 

RedneckGrump

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Nude beach

A mother and father take their 6-year-old son to a family nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother’s, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, ‘The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.

‘The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, ‘The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.’

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother.
‘Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets’
 
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