This morning's musings of a loon (me)
Fb post:
Today is a day that we celebrate freedom in America, however, freedom has a different meaning this year.
My mom wants freedom. I tried to find out exactly what kind of freedom she wanted, so that I could pray more specifically.
I asked if she wanted freedom from the hospital? Freedom from fear? Freedom from health problems? Freedom from this life that she would never want to live the way she is?
She told me to just forget it. I tried to explain that we are supposed to be specific in our prayers.
On the rare occasions that I can get her to look directly at me when we are talking, I see so much anger and hatred in her eyes.
We have never had an "easy" relationship, yet I have spent the majority of my life over the past 20 years trying to help her to have a better life than she had in her younger years.
All I have ever wanted for her was for her to be truly happy, and "free" from the heartaches she has experienced in life.
My mom needs freedom from so many things: fear, anger, resentment, disappointment, past failures, lost hope's and dreams, but mostly...... she need freedom from whatever this perceived "evil" she has mumbled about. She needs spiritual freedom.
On this day of "freedom". I just pray that as she cries out to God, she can begin to get the freedom from whatever it is that she won't articulate and that we can have a peaceful visit today without her fussing about everything that I say or do, and that I can have the words she needs to hear, and not the words that I want to say.
If you're about to celebrate today. Don't just celebrate Americas freedom. Celebrate the people you love, the good life that you live, and the ability to rise above generational curses and dysfunction. Rise above the negativity in life and hold onto the positives. This life we lead is a warzone, armor up and be spiritually prepared for what life throws your way because that devil will stab you where it hurts the most.
I have been her with her since about 11, it has been a pleasant visit thankfully.
Still in ICU