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How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower and stand on bath mat.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on he ad.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ***.
Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
Have a great day! And, ' woo woo'!!!
 
Mr_David said:
Now You got me in trouble.
Came here to ask a question.
I got stuck on this thread for an hour reading the jokes and watching perpetual motion videos.

I made it to this picture.
Daughter walked in and yelled to my wife" MOM!! David's looking a BOOBIES on the computer" She was just messing with me. But my wife heard her and had to come see.:hide:
Click to expand...

No amount of back peddling is going to help you. Wait till she finds out you spend way too much time on a home improvement web site and not enough time home improving. You will be so busted. :)
 
bud16415 said:
No amount of back peddling is going to help you. Wait till she finds out you spend way too much time on a home improvement web site and not enough time home improving. You will be so busted. :)
Click to expand...

I am way beyond that. I'm a regular poster on PLUMBINGFORUMS.COM
I discovered that a few regulars there are more than regulars here.
JeepForum was my First and some how I got lured to PF.
Now here. I'm DOOMED. :(

I spent 3 hrs here before I posted the question I came here to post.
I even answered a post in regards to welders.
 
Mr_David said:
I am way beyond that. I'm a regular poster on PLUMBINGFORUMS.COM
I discovered that a few regulars there are more than regulars here.
JeepForum was my First and some how I got lured to PF.
Now here. I'm DOOMED. :(

I spent 3 hrs here before I posted the question I came here to post.
I even answered a post in regards to welders.
Click to expand...

Regulars there are more than regulars here.:confused::hide:
 
Mr David and I have been long time friends from all the above listed forums. I guarantee that he will be hooked here, just like I was.
 
I quit getting married. I will now just find some good looking women and buy her a house, cutting out all the hate and anger from my life.
 
I was just at a music festival and a lot of singers and original songs they wrote. One I liked was titled “ I just met my next ex wife.” Pretty good song.
 
havasu said:
Mr David and I have been long time friends from all the above listed forums. I guarantee that he will be hooked here, just like I was.
Click to expand...


I have actually met David several times, camped with him and even almost got run over by him in his jeep in big bear in the rock garden on gold mountain. He wears cool hats.
 
funny-dog-memes.png
 
Here's another trick of Doctor Dementia to test your skills...


Can you meet this challenge?

We've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time we've seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer's is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.

7H15 M3554G3

53RV35 7O PR0V3

H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N

D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!

1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!

1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG

17 WA5 H4RD BU7

N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3

Y0UR M1ND 1S

R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY

W17H0U7 3V3N

7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,

B3 PROUD! 0NLY

C3R741N P30PL3 C4N

R3AD 7H15!

PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F

U C4N R34D 7H15.


To my 'selected' strange-minded friends: If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends with 'yes' in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid, too.

Can you raed this? Olny 55 people out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it.

FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT..
 
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