Fishing jokes 1
A local sheriff got an unexpected call one day--an old college friend was passing through and wanted to go fishing for an afternoon. They hadn't seen each other in 25 years. The sheriff provided the boat, gladly, and the 2 men headed out to what promised to be a great afternoon of reliving the old tales and hopefully creating new tales.
As they stopped at the first good fishing spot, the out of towner reached down, grabbed a stick of dynamite, lit it and tossed it overboard. The explosion nearly knocked the sheriff out of the boat. Dead fish floated up and the guest, started scooping them up.
"What are you thinking?" asked the incredulous sheriff. "That's against the law!!"
"Oh, come on, what are you going to do, arrest me?" replies the old friend. "I always fish like this, it's the easiest way."
"There's no sport in that--true fishermen find the best spots, the best lures and the best time of day...we're true craftsmen."
While the sheriff rambled on, the guest reached down into his 'tackle box,' grabbed another stick of TNT, lit it and handed it to the sheriff.
"Now," said the out of towner, "are you gonna keep babbling, or are you gonna fish?"
"So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I
thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your
husband."
"Oh, everything went wrong," the second woman answered.
"First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish.
Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too
soon.
"All that might have been all right; but to make matters worse, I ended up
catching the most fish!"
Jim had an awful day fishing, sitting on the lake all day without a single bite. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.
He told the fish salesman, "Pick out the four largest ones and throw them at me, will you?"
"Ok. But, why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress, "$5 each for lobster tails . . . is that correct?"
"Yes", she said, "It's our special just for today."
"Well", he said, "they must be little lobster tails."
"No," she replied, "they're really big!"
"Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails - and a little bit tough?"
"No", she said, "they're really big, red lobster tails"
"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he said, amazed.
"They must be old lobster tails!"
"No, they're definitely today's."
"Today's big red lobster tails - $5 each?" he repeated, astounded.
"Yes", she insisted.
"Well, here's my five dollars," he said, "I'll take one."
She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said,
"Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster ..."
Two goobers go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland.
How do you kiss a pike?
Very carefully
Fly-fisherman's wife: "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend"
A local sheriff got an unexpected call one day--an old college friend was passing through and wanted to go fishing for an afternoon. They hadn't seen each other in 25 years. The sheriff provided the boat, gladly, and the 2 men headed out to what promised to be a great afternoon of reliving the old tales and hopefully creating new tales.
As they stopped at the first good fishing spot, the out of towner reached down, grabbed a stick of dynamite, lit it and tossed it overboard. The explosion nearly knocked the sheriff out of the boat. Dead fish floated up and the guest, started scooping them up.
"What are you thinking?" asked the incredulous sheriff. "That's against the law!!"
"Oh, come on, what are you going to do, arrest me?" replies the old friend. "I always fish like this, it's the easiest way."
"There's no sport in that--true fishermen find the best spots, the best lures and the best time of day...we're true craftsmen."
While the sheriff rambled on, the guest reached down into his 'tackle box,' grabbed another stick of TNT, lit it and handed it to the sheriff.
"Now," said the out of towner, "are you gonna keep babbling, or are you gonna fish?"
"So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I
thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your
husband."
"Oh, everything went wrong," the second woman answered.
"First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish.
Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too
soon.
"All that might have been all right; but to make matters worse, I ended up
catching the most fish!"
Jim had an awful day fishing, sitting on the lake all day without a single bite. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.
He told the fish salesman, "Pick out the four largest ones and throw them at me, will you?"
"Ok. But, why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress, "$5 each for lobster tails . . . is that correct?"
"Yes", she said, "It's our special just for today."
"Well", he said, "they must be little lobster tails."
"No," she replied, "they're really big!"
"Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails - and a little bit tough?"
"No", she said, "they're really big, red lobster tails"
"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he said, amazed.
"They must be old lobster tails!"
"No, they're definitely today's."
"Today's big red lobster tails - $5 each?" he repeated, astounded.
"Yes", she insisted.
"Well, here's my five dollars," he said, "I'll take one."
She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said,
"Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster ..."
Two goobers go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland.
How do you kiss a pike?
Very carefully
Fly-fisherman's wife: "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend"